Twists of Fate
by Sadbooklover
Summary: The hurt he felt wouldn't go away and the one he loved wouldn't look at him. Sucky Summary good story. Read and Review Please. Eventual K/S some mention of S/other.


His mouth compressed into a thin line it hurt him but it was the only way he could stop himself from screaming out to His love to stop touching her, stop it so he could have him…the one he loved, the only one he would ever love, he opened his mouth and took a deep breath. Before turning sharply and walking out tears slowly making their way down his face, his leaving didn't even register to anyone else attending they were focused on the two of them, they were his friends but they failed to see how…broken he had become after their break up.

He walked aimlessly for awhile before ending up back at the ship when he got there he took a seat on his bed staring at the wall his tears had dried up long ago, somewhere now he just felt….numb it was strange but he didn't feel anything…anything at all, not love, not hate, not hurt it was if his feelings had fallen into a deep freeze.

He eventually lay down and stared at the ceiling till he fell to sleep, he woke promptly at the feeling off pain that radiated from his belly he placed his hand on the flat expanse of it he smiled slightly before another pain rocked his body he forced himself up and into the bathroom, when he left the room he was pale and shaky…he had lost the last thing that connected him to his love, the numb feeling left him and all he could feel was agony a scream was ripped from his throat as he started to sob curled up in a tight ball.

The next morning when he woke the numb feeling was back, it felt like he was caught in a nightmare and he would wake up any moment he pinched himself to prove that it was just a nightmare he felt the pain dully it was no dream…it was real, he slumped over his legs waiting for the tears to come, the horrible emotion to come but it didn't he had felt this way once before, but he didn't care to recall that horrible memory so he slowly rose and walked to the bathroom he had a shower before dressing and walking over to the desk, before starting to do the reports that had been stacked on his desk that he had never got around to while he and…..and he shuddered he couldn't even bring himself to think the name.

So he buried himself in more reports to distract himself from this emptiness he felt, he soon finished the reports and stood stretching surprised to see that he had worked the day away his throughs went briefly to food before he shuddered and changed into his pyjamas and sitting at the edge of the bed with his legs crossed before he started to meditate he and _him _had done this together to settle their thoughts before bed and he found that his body rejected the thought of going to bed again with out mediating and strengthening his shields before too long he finished the meditation he looked at the clock and found that over 3 hours had passed since he had started suddenly feeling exhausted he slipped into bed and too sleep fast.

The next morning he rose and repeated the process but this time he forced himself to eat a piece of toast for breakfast before walking to the bridge the ship was scheduled for departure this morning. When he strode on the bridge his face was expressionless, his eyes cold he released the person that was in charge of the bridge before taking a seat.

He was 3 hours early for Alpha shift but he didn't mind he stared into space for the remainder of the shift before the start of Alpha shift where all of the main bridge crew walked onto the bridge, Sulu, Chekov, Uhura, and _him. _He didn't acknowledge their arrival, he sat there silently as everyone took there spaces silently all shooting him looks.

"Lieutenant Sulu, all ahead full." He said his emotionless voice breaking through the silence.

"Aye Captain." He said with a nod before they started to move.

He just sat and watched as they began to move.

"Do we have orders from Starfleet Captain?" Uhura asked.

"Yes." He answered shortly not saying anything more.

"Where?" She asked in and exasperated voice.

"The I'Scone Nebula, there is a planet that is suffering a plague and they need help so Starfleet is assigning us." He answered shortly looking though the PADD that had the information that had been brought to him moments before. When he caught sight of the name he froze and stared the only thing going through his mind was the anguished scream of NO!. Nothing showed on his face or in his frozen eyes. "The planet of Tartaus IV."

Hours later Jim was shut into his room leaning over the toilet puking up everything that he hadn't eaten today. He stood shakily before walking over to the bed and taking a seat he shook noticeably before he moved into a meditative stance before he easily dropped into meditation he sunk deeper and deeper into his subconscious he was brought out of the trance by a knocking at the door.

He stood and ran a hand through his hair as he walked over and opened the door. _He_ stood there looking uncomfortable and out of place.

"You wanted something commander?" Jim asked his voice dull his eyes dead.

"Yes Captain, I wish to speak to you about where we are going, this conversation should be kept in secret I believe so may I come in?"

"Okay Commander." He said taking a step back careful not to touch any part of _him. _

"With respect I wish I know if the experience of yours on this planet years prior will cause problems for you to be on it this time around." Spock said the words reverberated around in his head, for one stupid second he let his emotions run away from him and thought that Spock wanted him back.

"No S-Commander, the past experience of mine will have no baring on the mission if that is all." He asked his subconsciously placed his hand over his tummy he pulled his hand away from the spot after a second remembering that their was no little baby anymore. "Is that all you wish to discuss?" He asked tightly, feeling the need to be alone and deal with his loss.

"Yes Captain." He said before turning and striding out of the room. As soon as the door closed he fell to his knees burring his face into his knees as he sobs dryly. No tears coming but the pain was back.

After a while he stood and walked over to the bed. He lay down and drifted off to sleep haunted by memories and nightmares. He woke feeling more tired then when he had went to sleep one question he had dreamed of last night still in the forefront of his mind _Was his baby really dead? _He showered and dressed quickly noticing that he still had 5 hours till his shift started he headed for the medi-deck hoping to get a hold of tricorder to see wether or not his baby was actually dead. He was lucky the med-bay was deserted so he quickly took a tricorder and headed back to his room when he was there he ran the machine over his tummy. His heart beating at a mile a minute. The tricorder beeped and he looked down at the reading and tears escaped his eyes and a large smile covered his face. They were alive….he paused and blinked before looking down at the reading again, yes that confirmed it, there were two little babies, it appeared that he had lost the third one he wept softly for that one also. But his heart soared with happiness he still had his little babies.

He stood and threw the tricorder onto the bed with a mental note to take it back later, but first off he walked over to the replicator suddenly starving. Jim ate with renewed vigour he then slipped the tricorder into his pocket and returned it before heading to the bridge. He took the captains chair talking to the children in his mind. He kept half an ear out in case something happened but the largest portion of his mind was naming his babies. He noticed when the next shift started and that they were only 2 minutes away from the planet so he pushed the naming out of his mind and concentrated fully on the mission and planet ahead.

_It was strange that they had been all called to the town square but they all went not noticing anything was amiss till the solders appeared and opened fire. As the public announcement speakers blared. "For the good of the others you have been chosen to die." It repeated the message over and over. Even the horrible, fat, pompous, labouring voice of Kodos, could not cover up the screaming and crying coming from the people who were either dead or dying. He had hidden himself away in the air ducts at the bottom of the building that he had been standing beside he also had his best friend next to him, his hand over his mouth to keep him silent. _

Jim was roused from his memories when Sulu announced that they were at their destination.

"I'll go to the transporter room and beam down." Jim announced standing and heading for the lift. Spock stood and followed him insisting that he would beam down also.

Jim nodded his head as the only acknowledgement of the request. He ordered a security team to come with them even though they might consider it rude he felt it was a case of better safe then sorry.

They all stood in a room with a very tall building. Jim looked around cautiously expecting at any second men with guns to jump out and shoot at them. When nothing happed he relaxed fractionally. When he relaxed the doors were flung open and Jim's hand automatically went to his phaser he relaxed as a young good looking man walked into the room.

"Hello I'm…." He said but before he got a chance to introduce himself someone else broke in.

"Kevin?" Jim asked looking at him slightly shocked.

"JT?" He asked his voice reverting to that of a small child.

"Hey." Jim said with a large smile. "Your looking bigger then the last time I saw you." He winked at him remembering how small and skinny Kevin had been the last time he had seen him.

"You too." Kevin said before running forward and hugging him tightly. Jim hugged him back with a smile.

"How have you been?" Jim asked.

"Good good, not that anything would be better after…_that_." He said a shudder wracking his frame.

"Captain?" Spock asked from behind us.

Jim laughed and released Kevin. "We're old friends." He said before looking back at him. "I though you would have left this place."

"No…I couldn't." He said. "I haven't put it to rest just yet." He smiled slightly his eyes far away lost in memories.

"Kevie, Kev." Jim said gently bringing him back to the present.

"Sorry memories." He said with a soft smile.

"I know what it's like." Jim replied looking around. "So do get the grand tour?"

"Sure, sorry." He said before leading our party around.

"Is it the same fungus?" Jim asked when the ended up in the labs.

"Yes, this one is almost identical." Kevin said with a sigh rubbing a hand over his face. "How did it come back?" Jim asked softly.

"I don't know." He said with a helpless little shrug.

"Well I'll leave my Science officers here while we go talk politics." He said with a wink, knowing that they were going to just catch up on what had happened since they had last talked.

"Cap…" Spock said.

Jim shook his head. "It's fine Commander." He said sharply turning his back on Spock.

"Captain now JT?" Kevin asked as they settled into the couches in his office.

"Yeah, youngest ever." Jim said with a smirk.

"Of course, you were born to lead and protect." He said with a smile remembering how he had protected all the kids.

"Do…do you keep in touch with other from…..back then?" Jim asked him twisting his hands together.

"A few." He said watching him. "No one blames you, some of us preferred to forget what happened."

"I…I never forgot, I checked up on you…hacked Starfleet and every thing and saw that you all didn't need me any more." He said with a soft smile.

Kevin smiled. "Yeah you were always so protective of us." He said smiling softly. "It's thanks to you we're alive right now."

"You had a little to do with it also." He said with a smile.

"A little part." He said.

The door was flung open and two little children ran into the room.

"Da Da!" They exclaimed climbing up onto Kevin.

"Yes little monsters?" He asked them.

"Our little sibling kicked when we placed our hand on mummy's tummy." They said in unison a large smile decorating both of their faces.

"Is that so?" He asked with a grin.

"Children may I introduce JT…or Captain Kirk as he's now known." Kevin said pointing towards Jim.

"Hello kids." He said with a grin.

"JT is that really you?" asked a small feminine voice from the door way where a small heavily pregnant woman stood.

"Seler?" Jim asked staring at her trying to reconcile the cold very malnourished Vulcan and this heavily pregnant smiling woman.

"It is you." She whispered before walking forward and hugging him as tightly as her protruding belly would allow.

Jim smiled and hugged her back as Spock entered the room he raised his eye brow as he watched this Vulcan woman hug his….The Captain.

"Three children really?" Jim asked. "What happed to being a research scientist with no kids?"

"I'm still a researcher but I have my 4 bundles of joy." She said a small smile gracing her features.

"Twins?" Jim asked with a smile.

"I could ask you the same thing." She said with a pointed look at his belly.

At this moment Kevin noticed Spock.

"Commander what can I do for you?" He asked standing with his two children still in his arms.

"I wish to speak to the Captain." He said, Seler felt Jim stiffen her face becoming an expressionless mask as she gave the Vulcan greeting before looking at Jim again.

"We will speak again JT." She said patting my arm before the family left.

"What was it Commander?" He asked looking forward to talking to Seler again.

"We have made a break through." He said stiffly.

"Lets go see then Commander." Jim said before walking out the door and towards the science labs.

"It's been engineered, it is not a natural occurring fungus." Spock said. Jim watched him not comprehending what he had said for a moment.

"Someone made this thing?" He asked his voice horse and strained. "Yes Captain." Spock answered before looking at him. "Are you feeling alright Captain?"

"Fine, fine." He answered absently leaving the room he walked aimlessly till he ran into someone.

"Sorry." He said absently not even looking at the face of the man he had run into if he had he would have seen the ugly smile on the face that haunted his most tortured memories and darkest fears.

He continued to walk not giving the man another thought, but the man he had run into didn't dismiss him so easily his horrible twisted deluded mind formed a wicked plan.

Jim eventually ended up at the door to the Riley residence he only hesitated a moment before he rapped on the door.

"Hello? Ohh dear what's wrong JT?" Kevin asked ushering Jim into the house.

"It's a man….it's not natural." He said when he was seated in the lounge room. Seler walked into the room and sat beside him she paced a hand on his arms gently probing his mind, she was surprised to see that he had firm mental shields in place. They were slightly stronger then the ones I had taught him to erect when we had found out that…_he _was able to read peoples minds. This gentle probing was enough to snap Jim out of the mood he had been in.

"Back with us?" Kevin asked watching him with a frown.

"Uhh yeah sorry." Jim said looking around.

"What's 'not natural'?" Kevin asked with a frown.

"The….the fungus." Jim said wringing his hands together. "It's man made fungus."

These softly uttered words shook the very foundations on which their worlds rested. The adults were interrupted when Kevin's and Seler's children ran into the room. They went silent when the saw the adults sitting there silently.

"What happened?" Asked the girl twin.

"Nothing Emma nothing at all." Seler said rising and walking over to them.

"Really mother?" Asked the other one.

"Yes Sellack" Kevin said rising also.

Jim forced a smile and rose. "I should go." He said.

"No please stay for dinner." Seler said joined by happy exclamations from the children.

"JT please join us for dinner." Kevin said with a smile.

Jim smiled for real then and accepted their offer for dinner. The children pestered him with questions of his exploits in space on his space ship.

He answered them all with a grin happily eating the food placing in front of him, it reminded him of meals he had shared with Spock. His smile turned into one of sadness. "Are you okay Uncle Jim?" Emma asked looking at Jim with concern.

"Fine, Lost in memories." He said.

"Not of what happened with mummy and daddy long ago?" She asked looking at him sadly.

"No… of my T'hy'la." He said with a sad smile his hand drifting to his belly a soft smile on his face.

"Is he dead?" Sellack asked Jim with a frown.

Jim took a few moments before answering. "No…no he's not." He said shaking his head.

"Then he should be with you." Both children and their mother answered together looking scandalised.

"He," Jim said taking a deep breath. "He found someone better I guess."

He then had two little bodies throw themselves at him and wrap him in a hug. "He was lying when he said he found someone better, no one is better then you." They said.

Jim smiled and hugged them back.

"Thanks kids." He said a few tears making their way down his face.

"Your pregnant!" They exclaimed with wide eyes. Jim blushed hotly looking at the kids then their parents.

"Umm yes." He said his eyes filling with water again. "Why are you sad? Having a baby is a happy thing." They said hugging him again.

"I…know….but….I miss him." He said sniffing again.

"Kids leave him alone." Kevin said with a frown.

"It's okay." Jim said with a small smile.

"We love you Uncle Jim." They said before climbing off him to go and play.

"Come Jim." Seler said leading him into the lounge room to talk.

"I'm so sorry." She said with a wain smile anger simmering in her eyes. "Who is your T'hy'la?"

"My….my second in command….Spock." He uttered with a soft sob rubbing a hand over his face as tears streamed down his face. "It hurts so bad Se-se… it won't stop hurting."

Seler mover closer and wrapped her arms around him and rubbing his back making soft shushing noises.

But inside she simmered in anger at how someone could do this too her poor JT. He had done nothing in his life to deserve this he deserved the best.

"Stay here tonight." She said noticing that the he was nodding off.

"No….I have to get back to the ship, they will probably be missing me by now." He said standing with a sigh.

"Okay, come back to see us soon." She said with a grin hugging him again. "Boys come and kiss your uncle goodbye."

The two little children ran into the room and leapt at him hugging him tightly. He hugged them back with a smile before hugging Kevin and leaving promising to call around again soon.

He hummed on his way back feeling better then he had in awhile. His life was looking up…this was the last thing he thought before the world went black.

Spock….paced their was no other word to cover his walking back and forward repetitively. Ji…..The Captain was not here, it was well past 2100 and The Captain was not on the ship. This thought brought rage welling up inside of him. Where was he? But then after what felt like his hundredth turn he finally admitted his real feeling was of fear, fear that the captain was injured or captured and if he was totally honest he was not just fearing for the Captain from a professional point of view but also a personal one, he still loved Jim even though he had broken up with him, if he was totally honest. But he wasn't he was still in denial about still feeling anything for Jim, but he couldn't keep denying it for long. He knew he had made the biggest mistake of his life but he didn't know how to fix the situation.

Jim woke to a throbbing in his head it was like he had another concussion. He tried to remember anything from the evening before. It slowly came back to him. He had been returning to his ship from Kevin and Se-se's then it all went black.

He turned his head gingerly looking around he looked down at himself and saw that his clothes had been removed he growled why did it always happen to him. He slowly looked around again frightening similarities appeared in the room. "No…no." He whimpered. He remembered this place it was one of the focal points in his nightmares. The door protested loudly as it opened and Jim's head whipped in direction of the sound his heart stuttering in his chest. "Your dead." He said in a soft voice.

"No." He said with a laugh that chilled Jim. "I faked my death, got away with what I did." He chuckled again. "It was quite fun killing all those people so I'm going to do it again." He said the announcement like he asked Jim to pick up some milk on the way home not announced the death of thousands of people again.

"What do you want with me?" Jim asked through clenched teeth.

"You're the only one that can identify me, and I owe you a beating or two for escaping." He said with another chuckle.

"No no!" Jim screamed struggling against the bounds that held him, not for his own sake simply for the children he could take all that he could dish out but his children couldn't.

Spock glared at the clock that announced that it was 6 AM and Jim was still not back at the ship. He then sat in front of the comm and decided to call Jim's friends. He really needed to find him.

"Hello?" Asked the soft feminine voice from the other end of the comm link.

"This is Commander Spock I am inquiring as to the whereabouts of The Captain." He said his voice calm and sold not coming out frightened and needy as Spock thought it might have.

"We have not seen JT since last night when he insisted to get back to his ship is he not there?" The female asked again her voice laced with cool distaste.

"What time did he leave?" Spock asked in a slightly panicked voice to anyone else it would have sounded the same but not to a Vulcan who had better hearing then most.

"Just before 8." She said her voice slightly softer. "Why where is he?"

"He has not returned to the Enterprise so he must still be on the planet." Spock said his voice cool with distaste jumping to the conclusion that he had gone and got drunk somewhere.

"You need to find him and fast." She said her voice urgent. "He said he was going back to the ship and he wouldn't lie to me, so he must be in trouble."

"Why would you assume that I believe that he simply went out and got drunk, and lost track of time." He said his voice stiff and emotionless.

"Well your assumption is faulty, he would not go and simply 'get drunk' he's pregnant so the consumption of alcohol would be harmful for the foetus." She said her words dripping with icy distain.

"Did…did….he's pregnant?" He finally asked as his brain stopped processing after he heard that word.

"Yes he was…. So find him quickly I have a bad feeling about this." She said and terminated the call.

Spock stood quickly the words ringing in his ears. He was pregnant, his Jim, his T'hy'la. A growl rose to his lips as he thought of anyone hurting him and he headed for the transporter room calling for two security squads to come also. They beamed down to the planet and began their search.

Jim screamed in agony as the whip lashed at him digging divots into his back that bled profusely. He thought he heard someone in his mind and thought that he was hallucinating it.

_Spock? _He called out in his mind the only person he could concentrate on.

_I am here T'hy'la. _The voice in his mind said he didn't mind the whip so much if this imaginary Spock kept talking like that to him.

_I love you T'hy'la. _He thought back slowly drifting.

_No! Come back! _The voice called which snapped Jim out of it some what.

_Yes? _He asked the in his mind Spock.

_Where are you? _in his mind Spock asked.

_At the place where he took me when I was here before…the torture chamber. _

_Who Jim who? _The voice asked it was sort of impatient.

_Kodos _Was the one word Jim's mind whispered back before he fell into unconsciousness.

"Where was the place Kodos took Jim when he was here the first time around?" Spock asked spitting out the name like it was revolting even to say it, as soon as the door opened not even saying hello before launching into the questioning.

"The palace why?" Kevin answered.

"He has Jim again." Spock said simply before turning on his heel and hurrying of towards the palace.

When Spock entered the palace the place was deserted and silent, but that did not deter him he took the steps to the dungeon taking to at a time silently, the security team followed as silently. Spock took hold of the thin shimmery thread that connected him to his T'hy'la and followed it to his Jim. He soon reached a door that blocked him from his T'hy'la and he signalled to security that this was the door that the Captain was behind. He took a step back as they moved forward as a group he had given them the order to try and take Kodos alive but if the couldn't he wouldn't loose any sleep over it.

The door was pushed open their was a yell phaser fire then silence he looked in and saw that Kodos was in handcuffs on the floor but then his eyes were drawn to Jim who lay bloody and bruised against the wall he walked over and broke the chains that held him to the wall cradling his body when he slumped towards the floor he wrapped him in a blanket from the bed and picked him up before heading to a point at which they could beam up to the ship from.

Jim was taken to sickbay and Spock was made to wait out side, the madman was taken to the holding cells to be taken back to earth for trial. Spock paced in front of the door waiting for news.

"How is he Doctor?" He asked as soon as the door opened.

"He'll be fine," he said with a pause. "And so will the babies."

Spock let out a breath that he didn't realise he had been holding. "Can I see him?" He asked the Doctor trying to peak over his shoulder.

"Sure follow me." He said leading him over to the bed where Jim lay he was still and pale.

"Thank you Doctor." He said taking a seat and hesitating only a moment before taking Jim's hand. The Doctor left and Spock leaned closer.

"You gave us quite a scare T'hy'la." Spock said.

"I'm sorry." said a horse voice.

"Jim?" Spock asked looking up at him.

"Hey." Jim said smiling at him. Spock just starred back at him. "Your awake." He croaked out, "Yes Spock." He said softly, hoping the use of T'hy'la meant that he wanted him back.

"I'm sorry." Spock said looking surprised as he said it but satisfied at the same time.

"I should have never left you, only days after our break up I was having second thoughts but…..I was stubborn." He admitted looking down with shame. "Do you want me…us back?" He asked placing their intertwined hands onto his belly. "I do and I will spend the rest of my life proving that I'm worth your love." He said with a smiled before leaning down and kissing him gently in the Human way.


End file.
